so, i'm getting a dog. this is something i've thought about for years, and years, and it is now time. i'm in a house where it will be okay. gina's cousin's labs just had a giant litter of puppies. i'm busy, but not so busy that i can't invent hours upon hours of time on something. i have until january, roughly, to make sure that this sense of certainty remains. i'm impatient, like always, but excited more than that.
there's more, but, god, whatever. seriously, whatever.
to throw away the pen and pad and simply be the poem...
to rise above hatred to love through seeming contradiction...
okay, there's a lot to write, and i don't know how much, exactly should be chronicled here. also it's late and i'm tired.
cliffs notes versions will have to suffice.
on wednesday, i finally asked avi what exactly happened, from her perspective, back in july. the short of it, is as follows. "i just, didn't feel it [the kiss]. it wasn't that i wasn't attracted to you, and i kind of liked you, but it was weird, 'cause it just wasn't there." i am paraphrasing, but the general sentiment is there.
the talk was long, and, ultimately, i told her everything. yes, including the Love part. she almost looked like she was going to cry, when i said, "and, of course, it was the next day that you told me about dante."
she said i was super brave, and thanked me for being honest, and basically, the conversation ended with the sentiment of, "okay, can we just be friends now?" seeming to come from both of us. oh yeah. and she totally apologized for the dante thing--ie, letting us meet the way we did. perhaps, "the day that" we met.
she is, of course, still, a wonderful person. and the conversation was this amazing, sort of, like, CLOSURE thing. i have never, ever felt that way before. it was emotionally draining, and i couldn't (still can't?) bring myself to listen to luminary's "amsterdam," but i feel... free.
which is good, because of this erica girl. sorry, though, no details yet. they will come.
yesterday (thursday), i gave my chinese phil lecture. um, oh my god, it went SO WELL. i spent like 3-4 hours prepping for it. and the class loved it. they were totally getting it. and the professor kept chiming in, "i totally see what you're doing here, i hadn't even noticed that before!" and, like, he'd address the class, "do you guys see what's going on here?"
and at the end? they applauded. shit, man, nobody at this doofy school even applauds at the end of the semesters (which is a whole other "WTF" thing on its own). like 4 students came up to me after saying they really liked the lecture (including carol, the other TA who is chinese and crazy smart when it comes to chinese philosophy!), and the professor was just so happy. "you have such a good close reading of this, yadda yadda, i hadn't even noticed some of that before." so. awesome.
apparently, he was bragging about it to emily, the philosophy admin queen bee (whom we all love), and she saw me in the stairwell, and was like, "oh my god, i heard about your lecture!" and proceeded to tell me about all the bragging he was doing in the office, in front of a bunch of people.
so, yeah, it was a good week.
i also just watched "let the right one in." um, who else has seen that movie? a) it was amazing, but b) THAT ONE SCENE IN THE DARK, AFTER HE HITS THE KID WITH THE STICK, OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T HAD GOOSEBUMPS LIKE THAT IN ABOUT 9 MILLION YEARS. someone know what i am talking about. kthx.
vegan potluck on sunday! excited!
ps: since i put the "contender" for winning the internet this year in gif format down there, i realized i didn't actually link the current reigning champion. there was something that THAT comic dethroned, but i can't even remember what it was, now. maybe b remembers.
i haven't been writing much. i'm not totally sure why this is the case, i think i've just been, overall, a little raw, after the oh-so-public (in terms of this censor-free site) drama-fest of the past, few months? makes one feel self-conscious. which is silly, but, there it is.
i haven't been writing about my runs, and that's probably because the past couple have just been insane. the 18 miler was NOT good, and then, the 20, was actually amazing. it was fast, i didn't want to roll over and DIE after, and i could move that night? the joys of carbo loading, eating gu during a run (SERIOUSLY OH MY GOD THAT STUFF IS AMAZING), and getting enough sleep the night before.
classes are going well. this is a redundant statement, as they are always going well. giving a chinese philosophy lecture on thursday, for (obviously), my chinese phil class. on zhuangzi, no less... the amazing taoist who thought you can't TEACH anything, so his whole book is nonsensical stuff, and stories without morals or heroes, and basically an attack on education/knowledge/"masters." so rad.
there are a few things the internet has been up to, and i simply must document them here. first, the lone potential contender, for "wins 2009's internet."
and, in the form of a link, this unbelievable massive attack song/video. they really need to release this album already.
things are.... GOOD, right now, which is weird, because they weren't so hot this weekend. all these plans, or potential plans just sort of kept FALLING THROUGH, and i was jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
so, i went for it. and i'm not going to say any more about it yet. i'm trying not to get all crazy excited about it, because fuck, dude, it's just not real yet. but it will be very soon, and then... i'll be a little more transparent.